"These are the times that try men's souls."
Thomas Paine wasn't actually talking about the American Revolution, he was talking about his marriage after having a baby.
Well, he could have been, anyway. When my husband and I got married, I thought it was great because nothing changed between us. We had been dating for years, and knew each other very well. So when we found out we were having a baby, I thought only a few things would change - we wouldn't go out to eat as much, we would save more money, etc.
Wow, how naive can you be? With a child, everything changes. Not all for the bad, I might add. There are wonderful moments where all three of us are together, our close-knit family unit bound together by a powerful love.
But there are also difficult times, mostly times when something is wrong with our little one and we can't figure out what it is. The frustration is driven by a desire to help her, so it always has good intentions.
I have found, though, that once we get through those times, our marriage comes out much stronger on the other side. It's a tough road, this parenthood. There are underlying factors, too, that contribute - the baby blues in the beginning, sleep deprivation, constant crying (the baby, and sometimes mom).
As a stay-at-home mom with a freelance business, I find that the less busy I am, the more time I have to fret about the little noise my girl just made, or whether or not she's eating enough, sleeping too much, etc. The busier I am, the less I worry.
I'm not the only one who's experienced this - there are posts all over baby-related message boards. It can by trying for even the strongest relationship. It seems patience and communication are the key. The couple has to stay focused and communicate, so they don't become overwhelmed by the situation. Just my thoughts for the day!
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2 comments:
I seem to agree with you a bunch. I hope it is okay that I comment this often.
My husband and I went through the same change. We are having a rough time with me being home and what I should/can do during the day. He has also started working late and traveling for the last month which really upsets me. He is exhausted when he comes home about 30 minutes before Ella goes to bed and all I want is a few minutes w/o a baby in my arms before bed.
We have been working it out. He takes her to go grocery shopping, and is going to make an effort to be home twice a week on time so I can work out.
I let him sleep in on weekends. He loves that. I will sometimes call a lawn mower service instead of having him do it.
I hope everything balances out in time. We were so close before Ella and I want it to stay that way.
Hi Ella's mom - of course it's okay you comment! I enjoy hearing other people's stories, and knowing I'm not alone :)
I think you guys are making great compromises. It's a tough call, since you're working taking care of the house and the baby (no small task, I'm finding out) and he's working and then coming home to the baby. Neither way is easy, but it's all worth it in the long run!
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