One for the expecting moms

There were a couple of things I didn't know about the actual birthing process, or didn't fully appreciate until I was in the middle of it all.

First of all, I hate to be graphic (actually, no I don't - I love the shock value of it all) if you have a natural birth, you will more than likely poo on the table. I'm not saying it to be gross, I'm saying it because I was grateful when another mom told me like it was.

Yeah it's all pretty when it's on ER or Grey's Anatomy. But birthing ain't pretty. Fortunately, I had a C-section, so I couldn't see any of it. But if you do it the other way, it's pretty messy. First, if you happen to be one of the lucky 13 percent whose water breaks, the gross starts early.

It goes downhill from there. You rush to the hospital, and you immediately don a designer blue gown that gaps in the back, so you're showing your money maker to anyone who walks behind you.

There's a lot of grunting and moaning, and possibly even some screaming of obscenities. We skipped that part.

Then, if you're one of the many who make it to a natural delivery, you begin to push. Well, if you think about it, you're pushing really hard. And lots of things tend to come out of your body when you're pushing really hard. It's just a fact of life, but it's one I'm glad someone had told me ahead of time so I would have been prepared.

And finally, when the baby arrives, it's not all nice and normal-looking like on ER or Grey's Anatomy. Once again, pretty messy. It's covered in goo, and it's head is all misshaped, like a little alien baby. Sometimes they're blue or purple.

Even my baby was a bit of a mess when she arrived via C-section. I heard the doctor say, 'oh look, she's coming out peeing and pooping.' Lovely imagery - as I'm opened up on the table. Let's hope they cleaned all that up before sewing me up.

But you know what? None of it matters. Because all you're waiting to hear is that precious cry that signals my baby's doing just fine. And after that, all the gross in the world doesn't register.